My Definitive Top 5 Non-Food Smells on Earth

doge smell

Because I don’t know what the dust on Mars smells like. Everyone has their favorite smells, unless they are Dewey Cox smell-blind (don’t laugh! I actually have a friend who has no sense of smell and my nose weeps for his). But, there are certain scents that seem to have a strong, visceral appeal to most of humanity and I’m here to let you know exactly which ones should be in your top five and, perhaps, to let you know if you have a Bush League nose. Let us start at No. 5.

5.) Fresh Cut Grass cut grass This will probably be too low on some people’s list but the hard truth is that I have allergies and hate that fact with an undying passion so fresh cut grass takes the hit. It’s not fair, its not right, but its reality. Also, something about the love for fresh cut grass seems biased to me. If your grass is long enough to cut that probably means winter has ended and after 4+ months of darkness, ice, and snow, anything that is seen as a herald for warmer days ahead is going to be loved. Grass is just the first thing that gets revealed while the trees and flowers are hitting the snooze button. I’m not saying it isn’t a great smell, just that its overrated by a lot of people. No shame in having it in the 5-hole.

4.) Pre-Snow/Rain overcast Is this an actual smell or do I have superpowers? That is probably my favorite aspect of this smell/non-smell. I’m firmly in the camp that it is a smell and nothing is better or more refreshing than walking out on a brisk autumn day and catching that hint of precipitation in the air. It’s like some invigorating elixir for the nostrils and I can’t get enough of it. Of course, this smell comes with a price, that being shitty weather and spawning terrible, terrible drivers.

3.) Gasoline zoolander gas fightThis is some next level shit so if your nose isn’t willing to go the distance I understand but goddamn is the smell of gas glorious. I’m not sure if working paving driveways when I was 17 impacted my brain but I cannot get enough of the perfume of petrol. I mean, I think you can get high off of it but I’m going to ignore that and just say its unreal. I’d be lying if I said I don’t spill a few drops every time I’m at the station filling up. Gotta get that gas fix. It’s why I didn’t thinking the gas fight in Zoolander was that ridiculous. Would’ve loved to be in that (sans blowing up).

2.) Mulch mulch Fresh Cut Grass gets most of the love for the springtime scent but to me its always been mulch. Maybe because its more rare? Purely decorative? Looks nice? Who knows. All I know is that Mulch smells great. It was actually one of the chores growing up I always looked forward to. Grass is Bud Light of spring smells while Mulch is the Guinness. Darker, more bark, better.

1.) Sawdust sawdust Sawdust is an unbelievable smell. I’m not sure what it is about it. There is that somewhat campfire smell from the heat as the blade cuts the wood that is delightful. Then its accented by the natural odors of the pine, or oak, or maple being molded. Perhaps its the correlation between the smell and the act of building or creating something? Whatever it is, sawdust is the smell supreme. I’ve even thought of carrying a small pouch of sawdust around just to takes whiffs of at my desk. Maybe a little bag around my neck like Davos Seaworth rocks with his detached knuckles. All I know is I’m certain if more places smelled of sawdust the world would be a happier place.

So that is my definitive list. I’m not saying I’ve smelled all the smells in all the world. What I am saying is I bet none of those unknowns top these. Hopefully you agree so you aren’t being confronted by the uncomfortable fact that you may have a beta nose.

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