The Brotherhood with Banters: A Game of Thrones Re-Watch Audio Companion

stark headdies

It is my distinct pleasure to introduce a new feature here on the PolPit, The Brotherhood with Banters; an audio companion to be played simultaneously for all of your Game of Thrones re-watching because, let’s be honest, that show stuffs so much content into 60 minutes of television that no one catches everything. Fans are re-watching the episode, they’re watching reviews and reactions on Youtbue, firing up a multitude of podcasts, falling deep, deep into reddit holes and some of you hardcore Thrones fans out there are even delving into Westeros.org (Tyler Snow on there, holla at cha boi). Instead of people going through all that hassle, BwB is looking to save you the trouble and make you laugh at the same time with commentary that goes along with the episode as its happening.

So sit back on your couch, fire up On Demand or HBOGo, and hit play twice while we gather our party and venture forth into the lands that sing of ice and fire. Our first episode is covering Game of Thrones lastest episode, Season 6’s finale ‘The Winds of Winter’. Enjoy!

My Watch For Football Season Has Begun: GOT Recap

GoTizzle

While still in the honeymoon phase with the season 6 finale of Game of Thrones, “Winds of Winter”, I think its safe to say the best season of the series closed out on Sunday night. Rebirths, revenge, reunions, season 6 strung together a collection of television episodes that, at this point, cannot be rivaled and somehow a show that has dazzled for six years is just now reaching its peak.

Great. Now that all of the platitudes are out of the way a lot has happened in Westeros and beyond this season with plenty of implications for the future. With no book guideline to follow (hurry up GRRM) this GoT offseason again allows our imaginations to run rampant with what will happen in the world of ice and fire. (I mean, Spoilers left and right ahead)

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‘Hold the Door’ to the rabbit hole

It’s pretty much taken me about a week to fully wrap my head around what exactly happened between Bran and Hodor in Game of Thrones’ fifth episode of this season entitled “Hold The Door”. It took me a while, and for the following episode to be a bit boring, but I finally think I have my theory on what exactly Bran did to Hodor. Granted, I’m offering my opinion having not read what the directors/writers/actors/GRRM have said so, for all I know, everything I’m about to say may be complete and total rubbish but, hey, that’s what 89% of the internet is anyway so, if you want to come down the rabbit hole with me, read on.

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Why ‘The Martian’ Sucked (for at least 82 min)

the Martian

First and foremost, as the title suggest, I have not seen the entirety of this film. I made nearly an hour and a half before I turned it off and walked away in obvious disgust. That hasn’t happened to me in forever. I’ve watched Cowboys and Aliens until the end. I’ve made it through The Pest once. Shit, I even love Bubba Ho-Tep (go see it immediately). I would not consider myself a movie snob.

Until I saw The Martian.

I know many liked the movie. I know it was up for awards (that are paid for) and its got good reviews across multiple review sites. I get that and I vehemently disagree. If you liked the movie I’d stop reading now. Its only going to make you mad. Like being pro-choice and reading a dissenting opinion from Clarence Thomas. I’m not going to change your mind, you aren’t going to change mine so we might as well ignore each other. I’ll catch you another time.

No, this post is for those who hated it but don’t want to be the one to ruin the party. A lot of people have hyped this movie since its release. I know a lot of us who truly despised this movie were polite and kept quiet while opinions we are diametrically opposed washed into our ears and lay our minds under a siege of frustration contained forcefully by societal norms. Because if there is one thing the internet has taught us its that people HATE people who hate what they like and movies are some of the things most near and dear to people’s hearts.

Well I’m hear to save you, silent minority. I’m giving you an outlet. I’m jumping on the grenade of being that over the top, nitpicking, too serious, angry, ranting, person who will rip into this movie with the fervor usually saved for medieval battlefields. Because I know you are out there. Those who hated this movie. Who despised the characters and the dialogue and the plot. Who were so distracted by the flaws in the movie and its presupposed adherence to scientific reality while ignoring human reality. Who were distracted by the JJ Watt of astronauts, Mark Watney, acting like a total twat the entire movie (82 minutes at least).

I don’t do this because I want to. I need to. I do this because this is the internet hill I’ve chosen to die on so you, hater, don’t have to. I’ve done it to seek allies in the vast cyberspace. A beacon to rally behind. A bastion of bashing. A safe space for hate.

I know, I know. I’m a hero.

So if you hated this movie read on and let the sermon of slander be as music to your ears and a reprieve from the buzz for I am preaching to the choir.

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GoT Season 6 Preview Bonanza

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We are almost there. Only a few more days before the Season 6 premiere of Game of Thrones and I can’t wait. The only thing that is kind of a drag about GoT is that it is so dense, with so many storylines, that its sometimes hard to remember where we left off with everyone. Well, other than Jon Snow being dead because I think Yahoo alone has published over 9000 articles on that since Season 5 ended. Also did you know Lena Headey used a body double for Cersei’s walk of shame!? Because they ran that one back about 5000 times.

This season is special for one huge reason too in that for the first time book readers (myself) and show watchers (peasants) are pretty much in the same boat as far as not knowing what is going to happen next. There are some things in the books that have yet to show up in the show so, as you read on, just be wary that we’ll be using all of the information we currently have from the books so there may be some spoilers ahead.

Anyway, I’m going to try and summarize where we left Westeros’ favorite throne seekers, knights, whores, half-men, and wights. Not only that, but we’ll throw in some blazing, dragonfire takes on who lives and who dies this season and some plot predictions. Don’t be scared. Like Captain Spears said in Band of Brothers, just assumed your favorite character is already dead and you can watch without fear. So gather your party and let’s venture forth.

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Lefties Most Hated List

Listen, I understand being left handed is rare. I get that we are weirdos who’s life expectancy is 7 years less. I understand that manufacturer’s aren’t going to take the time and money to change out their machines or process to make left handed products for only 10 percent of the general human population. Shit, I even understand that the idea of being left handed as evil is derived from Zeus cutting off his pop’s head with his left hand in a sweet sneak attack.

That doesn’t mean I don’t rage inside at the various inanimate objects that mock my opposable thumb preference. Doesn’t mean I don’t curse those manufacturers and the right handed world in general in the name of Southpaw’s everywhere. I mean I know you Righties don’t get it but you find out pretty much as soon as you get to organized education that being a lefty is going to be a bitch. I mean as recently as the 1930’s teachers were making left handed kids switch to their right. Now we know that can lead to dyslexia and other learning disabilities because fucking with a 6 and 7 year olds hand eye coordination when they are trying to learn for the first time is of course going to cause some issues.

I’m not here to lament any of that. This is just to raise the left handed war banner high and declare these 5 inanimate objects enemies of the lefty state.

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The Rams move to LA: Handicapping the next Celeb Superfan

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After a nearly 24 year hiatus the Rams are back in LA. Beating out the Chargers and Raiders who also applied to relocate to the City of Angels the Rams are leaving the Cardinal red confines of St. Louis and returning to the California sun where the franchise originated in 1946. With an aging stadium and lackluster fan base I’m not shocked that the Rams were the team the NFL chose to move back to their original home. There is a history there that eager fans can tap into and LA has been a market black hole in the NFL’s empire since the twin departures of the Raiders and Rams after the ’94 season.

Even more exciting than football returning to that sprawling, dirty epicenter of the shallow and superficial though is which celebrity will become the head honk of the new LA Rams? Its a tremendous opportunity and in a town where being seen is paramount I don’t think there will be any shortage of candidates who run out (read: dispatch a personal servant/minion/assistant) to grab some blue and gold merch and pretend to know what college Todd Gurley attended to get those coveted invites to the sideline and have those ESPN producers come a knockin if Jeff Fisher manages to win more than 8 games and get into the playoffs. So, without further ado, lets handicap the top 5 candidates to be the new LA Rams pep rally leader.

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Fringe Organization “Gettin’ Out The Message” 101: Don’t Use A Name Already Taken

I don’t know about you all but I for one was shocked and appalled at the lack of coverage on the renewal of the Sagebrush Rebellion (the defining conflict of our age no less!) that has been going in in southwest Oregon this past week. Well, I was, until I saw who was the spokesman for the movement. Ammon Bundy.

Just say that name out loud again. Ridiculous right? Who’s going to listen to someone named Ammon Bundy about anything? The name is played out. As soon as you hear something came out of Ammon Bundy’s mouth your mind is already writing it off as nonsense. Why? Simple. ‘Bundy’ has been taken. Not only has it been taken, its been taken twice and you know exactly by whom;

Al Bundy

Ted Bundy

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My Old Man Resume: Item #1

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That’s about the old man look I’m shooting for

It dawned on me the other day that you don’t just become old overnight. I know, quite the thunderbolt eh? Well, it wasn’t just that. I realized that you can, if you examine yourself enough, find things you do right now that will be a hallmark in your twilight years. Things that are going to mark you out as an old man or woman, those idiosyncrasies that dot your personality like a map to the old soul.

Now I’m sure everyone has a few of these but I’m going to start right at the top of the list. It’s a subject that already has friends and family alike shaking their heads with a giggle of disbelief when I tell them but I’m set in my way sand there isn’t a damn thing you whippersnappers can do about it. Of course I’m talking about;

Paying Cash At the Tolls

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I Got Beef with Meatloaf

Not Meat Loaf but close

     Not the Meat Loaf I’m talking                           about but close

No, I’m not talking about the food (which I find to be absolutely delectable) but the husky artist himself. I know the man is generally regarded as a legend of rock but I’ve got one big issue with him; I think he stole the idea for his smash hit “I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That) from another, more legendary, more impressive, and more beloved artists….Hall and Oates.

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